- My girlfriend Jessi. She came into my life at the most perfect moment and what started out as a friendship has grown into something that is amazing. I find myself thinking about her all the time, missing her when we're not together, and I know my face lights up when I get a call or text from her. What makes it even more amazing is that she feels the same about me!
- My friends. Without their love and support I don't know how I would have been able to find this happiness
- New experiences. Everything from trying new foods, new beers or even the occasional "girly drink" (thanks for that one Jessi!) to getting out there and doing something I always wanted to do, and checking things off my bucket list. These things remind me that I'm OK and I'm really living again and the joy that comes with that always brings a smile to my face.
- The future. This one may seem weird, but there was a time when I couldn't even think about the future, as it all seemed so bleak to me. Over the four or five months I not only realized that not only would I go on with life, but this new life might actually be a good one too! For the first time in a while I am optimistic about my future, whatever it may hold.
- The fact that I am happy. This one too may seem strange, or even a cop-out, but it really isn't. Again, much like my future, there was a time when I figured I would never be actually happy again. I had gotten to a place where I was no longer feeling sad everyday, but I sure as hell wasn't happy. I was in this middle place where I had accepted my life had been altered and this was how it would be from now on. And while I accepted this and wasn't sad or depressed, I still wasn't happy, I was just... neutral. I figured this would be how I would feel from here on out, just indifferent. Little did I know that not only would I start to feel a yearning to LIVE again, but in doing so I could actually be happy!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 5
What are the 5 things that make you happiest right now?
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
More Bucket List items checked off!
I've always been intrigued by strange foods, as long as they are just odd, not gross! So one of the things I've heard of was chocolate covered bacon. Seriously this one should not even be considered strange or odd...I mean it's bacon and chocolate! Two of the most awesome things you can eat, and they are together. So my girlfriend, who has tried this before decided to get me some bacon chocolate for my birthday along with an extra surprise of beef jerky chocolate. Ok that one seems a little odd.
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So last week Jessi asked me if I had tried either one yet, I told her I had not and that part of the fun of having a bucket list was doing the things on them with someone else, even if she had already tried both of these before. With that said I decided that was the night for me to try these creations. So I started with the beef jerky chocolate first. Now I was expecting a hunk of beef jerky covered with chocolate, not so much to my relief. It was actually a chocolate bar with beef jerky flavoring in it. I'm not sure if there were little tiny pieces of jerky in the chocolate, but there were little crunchy, slightly salty pieces, so I'm assuming this was the jerky. Very interesting taste sensation, I have to admit, because this may sound really stupid, but it tasted like a beef jerky flavored chocolate bar. It tasted exactly like, and nothing like I expected all at the same time. Strange thing it was actually kind of good, in a strange and interesting way.
Then we moved on to the bacon chocolate. Again I think I was expecting a strip of crispy delicious bacon covered in chocolate, although this time to my disappointment this was not to be as it was just like the jerky chocolate, a chocolate bar with bits of crispy bacon in it. Here is the difference though...the bacon chocolate was AWESOME! Perfect mix of sweet and salty and come on, it's BACON!
Bottom line is I highly recommend the bacon chocolate, and although it is not something I would buy again, you still should try the jerky chocolate, just for the hell of it!
Monday, February 11, 2013
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 4
List 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could.
- None of this shit will be important in 10 years. What you think matters now will be irrelevant.
- Live life to the fullest and don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy this time, because being an adult brings a crap load of responsibility.
- You do NOT know it all. Those people older than you DO understand what you are going through, they HAVE been there before.
- Cherish your friends that are your true friends, distance yourself from those who aren't.
- Don't worry about your math homework...you will NEVER need algebra as an adult!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 3
What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly accident prone, in fact it is very rare that I don't have a bruise somewhere on my body, most likely from running into something. I've been this way since I was a little kid, not to mention that when I was younger I was pretty fearless (or reckless) and did a lot of dumb shit and would often end up with some bruises or most likely a sprain or some stitches. Surprisingly I've only broken bones a few times. The first time was my forearm, the second was my ring finger and the third time was some fractured ribs. Pretty amazing that I didn't break more but believe me I'm not complaining! Now for the greatest amount of physical pain I've ever endured...I'd have to say me breaking my ring finger. Sound funny that a small finger could be the worst out of all the shit I've done, but here's why. That pain was not only pretty severe at the time, but it also lasted a while because I eventually needed surgery on it, after it healed. So here is what happened. When I was about 14 I was skateboarding at my grandparent's house with some friends. Now I was never a great skateboarder, but I could hold my own. So here I am on a ramp, and I just lost it for some reason and fell forward, and as I landed my hand was sideways and my forward momentum caused my hand to kind of roll under my body. I immediately felt this really sharp pain in my hand and when I looked down my ring finger was pointing almost 90 degrees toward my thumb. It was literally sideways at the knuckle. I go running inside and my grandpa, who I need to add is NOT a doctor, thinks my finger is just dislocated, so he attempts to "pop it" back into place...bad idea. So after he did that a couple times without fixing it we decide it's time for the ER so real doctors can fix it.
So after a quick trip to the hospital and some x-rays the doctors tell me its broken (no shit right?) and because I broke it so far down they would need to call in a specialist, who couldn't be there until the morning. So all they do is wrap my whole hand and cast it, as is, to protect it until the morning. They give some pain killers and send me home.
The next morning I go back to the hospital where they remove the cast and the doctor comes in. Now this doctor looked like he was about 90 and had the bedside manner of a brick. He asks me to hold up my hand, which I do...then he grabs my finger and gives it a yank and twist. No pain killers, no warning, no nothing. It was about this point that I began to pass out. Now when your body is in so much pain that it literally says "fuck this, I'm going to sleep" you know that hurts! I woke u a few seconds later to the a-hole of a doctor giving the nurse instructions on how to cast it and out the door he goes.
About 6 weeks I get the cast off and I get a good look at my finger and I'm like "what the fuck" my finger is crooked! Between my knuckle and the next joint my finger has what can best be described as a bend in it, to the point where my fingertip actually overlaps my middle finger completely! Time to see a specialist. So I meet with a new doctor who tells me that he can fix it, but it would require surgery where he would cut the bone, twist it, re-position it then put two pins in it to hold it together while it heals. Ok then, surgery gets done, they cast my entire hand (why everyone put a cast on my entire hand when it was a single finger I'll never know) and about 6 weeks later they remove the cast, but I still have to have my finger splinted and taped to my middle finger for another few weeks, then after that it would be another few weeks until the pins came out. This was not fun, because there isn't a lot of flesh, muscle or whatever between the bones of your joint and the top of your skin, so every time I bumped my knuckle I could feel the pins and it would hurt like hell. Half the time it felt like the pins were going to pop through my knuckle. Not fun. And after all that my finger is still a bit crooked! Not so bad that it really interferes with anything, but enough to notice.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly accident prone, in fact it is very rare that I don't have a bruise somewhere on my body, most likely from running into something. I've been this way since I was a little kid, not to mention that when I was younger I was pretty fearless (or reckless) and did a lot of dumb shit and would often end up with some bruises or most likely a sprain or some stitches. Surprisingly I've only broken bones a few times. The first time was my forearm, the second was my ring finger and the third time was some fractured ribs. Pretty amazing that I didn't break more but believe me I'm not complaining! Now for the greatest amount of physical pain I've ever endured...I'd have to say me breaking my ring finger. Sound funny that a small finger could be the worst out of all the shit I've done, but here's why. That pain was not only pretty severe at the time, but it also lasted a while because I eventually needed surgery on it, after it healed. So here is what happened. When I was about 14 I was skateboarding at my grandparent's house with some friends. Now I was never a great skateboarder, but I could hold my own. So here I am on a ramp, and I just lost it for some reason and fell forward, and as I landed my hand was sideways and my forward momentum caused my hand to kind of roll under my body. I immediately felt this really sharp pain in my hand and when I looked down my ring finger was pointing almost 90 degrees toward my thumb. It was literally sideways at the knuckle. I go running inside and my grandpa, who I need to add is NOT a doctor, thinks my finger is just dislocated, so he attempts to "pop it" back into place...bad idea. So after he did that a couple times without fixing it we decide it's time for the ER so real doctors can fix it.
So after a quick trip to the hospital and some x-rays the doctors tell me its broken (no shit right?) and because I broke it so far down they would need to call in a specialist, who couldn't be there until the morning. So all they do is wrap my whole hand and cast it, as is, to protect it until the morning. They give some pain killers and send me home.
The next morning I go back to the hospital where they remove the cast and the doctor comes in. Now this doctor looked like he was about 90 and had the bedside manner of a brick. He asks me to hold up my hand, which I do...then he grabs my finger and gives it a yank and twist. No pain killers, no warning, no nothing. It was about this point that I began to pass out. Now when your body is in so much pain that it literally says "fuck this, I'm going to sleep" you know that hurts! I woke u a few seconds later to the a-hole of a doctor giving the nurse instructions on how to cast it and out the door he goes.
About 6 weeks I get the cast off and I get a good look at my finger and I'm like "what the fuck" my finger is crooked! Between my knuckle and the next joint my finger has what can best be described as a bend in it, to the point where my fingertip actually overlaps my middle finger completely! Time to see a specialist. So I meet with a new doctor who tells me that he can fix it, but it would require surgery where he would cut the bone, twist it, re-position it then put two pins in it to hold it together while it heals. Ok then, surgery gets done, they cast my entire hand (why everyone put a cast on my entire hand when it was a single finger I'll never know) and about 6 weeks later they remove the cast, but I still have to have my finger splinted and taped to my middle finger for another few weeks, then after that it would be another few weeks until the pins came out. This was not fun, because there isn't a lot of flesh, muscle or whatever between the bones of your joint and the top of your skin, so every time I bumped my knuckle I could feel the pins and it would hurt like hell. Half the time it felt like the pins were going to pop through my knuckle. Not fun. And after all that my finger is still a bit crooked! Not so bad that it really interferes with anything, but enough to notice.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 2
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears.
1. I'm afraid of heights. I honestly have no idea how this came to be. When I was younger I had a slight fear of falling, but not so much that it would really hold me me back from doing things. It was more just a slight sinking feeling in my stomach when I got too near the edge of something high up I could fall off of. That was the key...I had to be able to fall, so if I was inside a high rise building, or a glass walled elevator I was was OK, more or less. I mean hell, when I was 18 I even went bungee jumping so my fear was able to be controlled. But as I got older my fear got more pronounced, and at times it becomes almost debilitating and I have to literally force my self to climb up something high or go near an edge, and even then the adrenaline and the fear would be almost overwhelming. I really don't know why this is, because it's not like I ever had some traumatic experience with heights in my past or anything.
2. Fear of failure. Sounds generic right? I guess what I mean is that all my life I've had confidence issues, probably stemming from being shy and somewhat withdrawn as a child. Sometimes this lack of confidence will cause me to stay in my comfort zone and avoid taking risks in life. I think this is why I'm so determined to get working on my bucket list. Sometimes it is too easy to stay in a place that you are comfortable, even though you may not be fully happy, than to take a chance and risk failure. I've worked hard to break out of that mold and start taking risks and not worry about the possibility of failure, but I still sometimes worry that I will regress from time to time.
3. The unknown future. This is a new one for me. I think this is because up to about two years ago I had a plan for my future. Once that all changed, and my plan was basically erased, I had to get used to the idea of the unknown, and for me that is a little scary. But as I've adjusted to this new life, I've tried to not let the unknown be something that scares me, but rather something to embrace as exciting and open to all possibilities.
1. I'm afraid of heights. I honestly have no idea how this came to be. When I was younger I had a slight fear of falling, but not so much that it would really hold me me back from doing things. It was more just a slight sinking feeling in my stomach when I got too near the edge of something high up I could fall off of. That was the key...I had to be able to fall, so if I was inside a high rise building, or a glass walled elevator I was was OK, more or less. I mean hell, when I was 18 I even went bungee jumping so my fear was able to be controlled. But as I got older my fear got more pronounced, and at times it becomes almost debilitating and I have to literally force my self to climb up something high or go near an edge, and even then the adrenaline and the fear would be almost overwhelming. I really don't know why this is, because it's not like I ever had some traumatic experience with heights in my past or anything.
2. Fear of failure. Sounds generic right? I guess what I mean is that all my life I've had confidence issues, probably stemming from being shy and somewhat withdrawn as a child. Sometimes this lack of confidence will cause me to stay in my comfort zone and avoid taking risks in life. I think this is why I'm so determined to get working on my bucket list. Sometimes it is too easy to stay in a place that you are comfortable, even though you may not be fully happy, than to take a chance and risk failure. I've worked hard to break out of that mold and start taking risks and not worry about the possibility of failure, but I still sometimes worry that I will regress from time to time.
3. The unknown future. This is a new one for me. I think this is because up to about two years ago I had a plan for my future. Once that all changed, and my plan was basically erased, I had to get used to the idea of the unknown, and for me that is a little scary. But as I've adjusted to this new life, I've tried to not let the unknown be something that scares me, but rather something to embrace as exciting and open to all possibilities.
So as you can see I'm trying to overcome some of my fears, but it is a process and I'm sure I will stumble from time to time.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 1
List 10 Random Facts about yourself.
- I'm an only child
- I have two middle names
- I have 3 tattoos (currently)
- I have zero relationship with my father who I barely know since my parents divorced when I was a small child.
- I love music
- I'm a pretty damn good cook
- I'm afraid of heights
- I'm a huge Chicago Blackhawks fan
- I'm completely shy and insecure when I'm out of my comfort zone
- I love craft beer and whiskey
Ok, so that actually took longer than I thought it would. Seemed so simple when I started but after the first 3 I had to start really thinking. Oh well, day 1 done.
The 30 Day Blog Challenge
When I first started this blog, one of the things that I struggled with (and continue to) is figuring out what to blog about. I've had some suggestions from my girlfriend, hence the posts I've actually came up with, but then I came across a 30 day blog challenge. Actually I came across a ton of them, and I found several that seemed interesting, so I decided "what the hell." Problem was I found several that had some great blog ideas, so I created my own list and picked the ones that I knew were applicable to me and I knew would foster an interesting (sort of ) post. Now I'm sure this will take more than 30 days, because sometimes I just don't feel like sitting in front of my computer, but here is the list.
Day 1: List 10 random facts about yourself.
Day 2: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears.
Day 3: What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
Day 4: List 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could.
Day 5: What are the 5 things that make you happiest right now?
Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Day 7: A photo that makes you happy?
Day 8: A photo that makes you sad?
Day 9: What defines you?
Day 10: Describe something you are proud of.
Day 11: What are your pet peeves?
Day 12: Favorite band and why?
Day 13: Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
Day 14: Describe 5 strengths you have.
Day 15: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
Day 16: What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
Day 17: What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Day 18: Someone or something you couldn't live without?
Day 19: If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
Day 20: Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
Day 21: If you could have 1 superpower, what would it be and what would be the first thing you did with it?
Day 22: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
Day 23: Something you wish you hadn't done in life?
Day 24: Describe your first job.
Day 25: If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
Day 26: Have you ever considered giving up on life, if so why?
Day 27: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days?
Day 28: Something you wish you had done in life?
Day 29: What were your three favorite toys/games as a child?
Day 30: List 5 things you would hope to be remembered for.
Day 1: List 10 random facts about yourself.
Day 2: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears.
Day 3: What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
Day 4: List 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could.
Day 5: What are the 5 things that make you happiest right now?
Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Day 7: A photo that makes you happy?
Day 8: A photo that makes you sad?
Day 9: What defines you?
Day 10: Describe something you are proud of.
Day 11: What are your pet peeves?
Day 12: Favorite band and why?
Day 13: Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
Day 14: Describe 5 strengths you have.
Day 15: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
Day 16: What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
Day 17: What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Day 18: Someone or something you couldn't live without?
Day 19: If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
Day 20: Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
Day 21: If you could have 1 superpower, what would it be and what would be the first thing you did with it?
Day 22: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
Day 23: Something you wish you hadn't done in life?
Day 24: Describe your first job.
Day 25: If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
Day 26: Have you ever considered giving up on life, if so why?
Day 27: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days?
Day 28: Something you wish you had done in life?
Day 29: What were your three favorite toys/games as a child?
Day 30: List 5 things you would hope to be remembered for.
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