Well this one doesn't require a lot of thought. Losing my wife to cancer was the worst experience I've ever had to deal with. Losing her was bad enough, but it wasn't just losing her, it was the whole experience of having someone you love fight and ultimately lose a battle with cancer. See we were convinced from day one that she would beat this, I mean lots of people do. It's one of the more treatable kinds of cancer right?!? That was our outlook. Even as the cancer began to spread and it seemed the only news we got was bad news, we still figured whatever new bad news was just a minor setback and ultimately she would prevail. It wasn't until about the last month that I knew this was a battle that we would not win. That was a special kind of torture, to pray for the end to come quickly, knowing full well what I was praying for was the end of my life in a sense as well. Once the end did come (quickly thankfully) the hardest part wasn't over, as this was a process. There was the funeral, then there was going back to work, and starting to clean out the closet and get rid of things, and basically trying to learn to live alone. This was a long slow, shitty processes that was by far the worst and hardest thing I ever experienced. Then there was me starting to live again. Strangely this was the easy part. I say easy because I never forced it...I let it come when I was ready. And one day, without realizing it I was ready. So while this experience was the hardest thing I've had to deal with, and believe me I've dealt with some crappy things in my life, the lesson I came away with is sort of cliche' but it is true...that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This has never been more true in my life, because there were times that I didn't know how I would get by and it would take every ounce of strength just to get out of bed and face the day, but I'm still here. And you know what...I'm better for it. I realized the inner strength I possess, and I've learned what is important in life. I learned to live each and every day to the fullest because you never know when your hourglass will run out of sand. I've learned to enjoy the moment and not let the little things get to me because ultimate they don't mean shit. Ultimately, the things that do matter are your friends and family, the ones who were there to pick you up when you falter, the memories you make and the good times you've had, not to mention the future moments that will also be etched into your memories in the days to come. These are the things that matter. So while this experience was something I wish I didn't have to go through, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone for that matter, I can at least look back and say that I've grown because of it. And like all experiences in our lives, good and bad, they define who we are. I can honestly say that the ray of light in all this is that I came out of it better that I was before.
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